Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Never Spoon a Fork in the Road, and Other Lack of Intelligence Advice

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Never Spoon a Fork in the Road, and Other Lack of Intelligence Advice

The Central Intelligence Agency yesterday announced the formation of a secret National Clandestine Service. When informed that telling people they’ve formed a secret unit no longer makes it a secret, a CIA spokesperson responded by declaring, “Damn.”

It’s not over until it over, as Yogi Berra noted. We note, even then, it isn’t always over. How about that Angels-White Sox game where the umpire called a third out third strike and the catcher threw the ball to the pitcher’s mound for the next inning's opposition pitcher? Turns out the umpires ruled the inning wasn’t over as the batter ran to first and they ruled him safe at first as the ball supposedly hit the ground before the catcher caught it. Yet, it appears it did not really hit the ground, so what was the catcher supposed to do, especially after the umpire called the batter out?

Do any of these above news items make sense to anyone? Are these signs of the decline of Western Civilization? By the way, how’s that looking for Osama Bin Laden and those weapons of mass destruction coming along?

Archeologists found a 4,000 year old bowl of noodles in China. What I want to know is: who lets a bowl of noodles sit out that long? Were there numerous generations of husbands telling wives: I’ll throw it in the trash tomorrow? Wouldn’t it begin to smell badly, say after 1,000 or 2,000 years or so, and wouldn’t guests mention something about the odor? How do things like that happen?

Someone sent me a Jewish Scottish strudel. I guess if you a Scottish Jew, you’re only hope against being beaten up is to hand over a unique strudel.

I got this weird premonition that Pat Cooper is in trouble. If he ever uses any of these jokes, then we know he’s doomed.


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