Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: It's Christmas Time, Do You Know Where Your Exorcist Is?

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

It's Christmas Time, Do You Know Where Your Exorcist Is?

I don’t mean to knock anyone’s religion, but how does the devil know to only possess just Catholics? Does the devil have a “Catholics only” policy when it comes to body possession? Does the devil go “no, no dramatic affect if I enter this body: people will just think it’s one more crazy Jewish person, let me try down the street for a Catholic and see if I can get some priest really riled up.”

Last week, I saw the local drug store put out Halloween stuff and I joked that “this means in one week, the Christmas items come out.” Wouldn’t you know: it is no joke: the same store put out Christmas stuff this week. I know younger readers will not believe this, but there used to be a time when you could not find Christmas stuff until after Thanksgiving. We took holidays one at a time. Some retailer thought to get a jump on the competitor and put out Christmas stuff a week earlier, and it seems each year, stores rush to get Christmas stuff out earlier and earlier. Christmas shopping now begins in September. Soon, August. Christmas in July won’t be an expression: it will be reality.

Workers upgrading electricity service in Los Angeles cut off electrical supply to about two million people. Yeah, I would say that particular upgrade needs more work.

Rick Santorum insists he has questioned President Bush’s handling of the war on Iraq, even though the press and even his staff can’t find any record where he ever stated such. Come on, give him a break. I am certain he at least was thinking it and meant to say it at some point. Doesn’t that count for anything?

In local news, a woman was arrested for attacking a man with a phone and a pencil. Now I walk the streets in fear of women that may be hiding a phone and a pencil on them. The pencil, I see, can be dangerous, especially if placed in an eye. I don’t even want to know where she was intending on placing the phone.

Rep. Tom Tancredo, when he’s not urging the military to bomb mosques, is upset that the memorial to September 11 flight victims who died in Pennsylvania is called the “Crescent of Embrace”. It is called that because the crash site is crescent in shape. Mr. Tancredo is upset because the crescent is used as an Islamic symbol. Airplane designers are working on a solution so that future planes will crash in the shape of crosses.

Here is a list of the most common word searches that bring people to this blog:
1. boring stuff to put me to sleep.
2. clues to O.J. Simpson’s guilt.
3. reality television and the fall of Western Civilization.
4. is God dead, or is he on hold?
5. how Strom Thurmond faked his death.
6. Marilyn Monroe and gay men (well, that one was obvious)
7. Buffy! Buffy! Buffy! (this one I haven’t figured out yet)
8. really, really boring to put to sleep.
9. Christopher Lloyd lesbian vampires. (well, that worked)
10. are there really people stranded in the Superdome (this search limited to Washington, D.C.?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:30 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once again you have posted insulting and totally tasteless humor. Keep it up.

4:18 PM

Blogger Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny said...

Yes, I deleted a comment. And you thought I was a big supporter of free and open expression. Wrong. I think the comment was spam, and I will delete spam. It was freaky spam, though. It took you to a site that was talking about "normism and declaration of heaven and Earth", which explains why it linked to jokes about Christmas and exorcism. In sum, it was advertising for commissions to sell music. So, if that was something you really, really wanted to read about, well, let me express my sincere sorrow: Tough.

6:30 AM

Blogger Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny said...

Oh, alright. In case anyone is really dying to see what I deleted, I reprint the site below. I do this since the link is now disabled so you can't go to this site. But get this: the site admits filling out their form does not work (although they hope to fix it in a few months)! Who creates a web site seeking customers where the customers can't respond? Maybe someone out there can explain this all to me.

Here goes. Anything below me has nothing to do with me. This will not self-destruct and the State Department states they honestly can disavow all knowledge of the following:

The Interim Monetary System of Heaven on Earth

"So what is this all about?", you ask? Well simply put the system is a global trading system that allows personal account holders to have an interest free credit line of 1,000.00 Credon Barter Dollars (CBD) to start buying goods and services (The value of CBD is equal to the value of one US dollar). In the beginning your account balance is zero, although you have a spending credit of 1,000.00 CBD. If you sell something then your account balance becomes positive and if you buy something your account balance becomes negative. For every CBD earned through sales your credit line will increase by twice as much (Limited Time Offer). And the first 100 system-wide credit purchases will trigger a four fold increase in credit line.

For institutional accounts the initial credit limit will be determined on a case by case basis to a maximum of 100,000,000.00 CBD.

Now straight to how the system operates. First we gather some information on you through the registration form, and site admin will review your information and activate your account. Then there is two free methods of advertising. First one is a sealed bid auction sales advertisement, which is broadcast to the subscribers of the category you have selected to advertise in. The second method of free advertising is when you need something and you post a want ad. After you receive the advertisement of another member you communicate directly with the advertiser by just replying to the email you have received, and close the deal. After the deal is closed, the next step is the accounting for the deal; For this purpose, first the final sale value commissions should be paid by the buyer. The commissions are 1.5% in CBD and 1.5% in US dollars. Once the accounting of the deal completes successfully the seller receives an email authorizing them to deliver the goods/services. Please note that if you are a business entity, filing taxes on your CBD earnings is your responsibility and if required, we will co-operate with the authorities to the full extent. For this purpose you need to do your own internal accounting. However you may use our accounting interface for help with this task.

Please note that in the case of single email accounts you are Master Owner and can log in to every nook and cranny of the site with your email and password.

The form does not work; we are working to fix it, create category specific subscription of emails and automate the process of email distribution; so bookmark us and visit us again in a couple of months! In the mean time, please fill the "Contact Us" form with your email address and the word interested in the body of the message, and we will notify you, as soon as the site becomes ready for your use.

6:37 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved reading "The Exorcist". It was a real head turner.

9:10 AM


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