The Defense Department is a Subversive Plot

Just a few days after Karl Rove stated that anyone who says the war in Iraq is not going well is being unpatriotic, Donald Rumsfeld stated the war is not going as well as expected and that we may be there far longer than originally expected. Thus, may I now presume that the Defense Secretary is, in fact, unpatriotic?

Humor is pointing out the contradictions of life and brain’s reconciling the contradictions with laughter. We learn this at an early age from our parents, who go to extremes to protect their children from harm, and after all these protections, torture their children. I want to tell you one repressed memory that I recall from babyhood: in fact, I remember pledging that someday when I grow up I would get a blog and warn the world, on behalf of babies everywhere: stop blowing bubbles on babies tummies. You think babiesenjoy it, but believe me, that is a tortuous laughter. Just quit it.

I hate to admit it, but we viewers do stereotype actors. I’m sorry, Gilbert Godfrey, but I don’t see you doing Shakespeare in Central Park, although, frankly, I think that would be a grand idea. I recently saw the movie “Julius Caesar”, and I realized that viewers were thinking, “that’s not Julius Caesar, that’s the weird guy from “Six Feet Under”, you know, the guy who wants to sleep with his sister.” Maybe, instead of portraying Julius Caesar, he should have been portraying Caligula.

I remember one of my earlier adventures in Washington, D.C. Now, D.C. locals may quickly realize our mistake, but remember, we were naïve out-of-towners. I was staying at the Mayflower Hotel, as well another out-of-towner politico hitting D.C. pretty much for the first time. We decided to go out and get something to drink. Now, we assumed that, just because the Mayflower Hotel is an elegant hotel, that the surrounding neighborhood all had to be top scale. So, we walked down a block, saw what looked like a fancy bar, and sat down. I was a little embarrassed as the server’s blouse was a little showing, and I suggested that she may want to do pull up her blouse as something was showing. Of course, what she did next was another alternative. We then noticed that all the servers had poor dress habits. Suddenly, we realized that we were two married politicos in a topless bar, and, knowing how our reputations and marriages could be ruined if we were spotted there, we quickly finished our three rounds of drinks and left. We then found an acceptable place with well dressed patrons and extremely well dressed servers and sat down there for drinks. Everyone was so well dressed we presumed there is where the D.C. professionals all hang out. After awhile, my friend asked “have you noticed that there are only men in here?” It had not occurred to me but, again, since D.C. operated on the old boy network, I just presumed this was where the old boy network had some drinks…and discussed politics…and kissed each other, and that’s when we realized we weren’t in Kansas (although, I am certain there are gay bars in Kansas. I wonder what people say there: “we’re not in Greenwich Village anymore?”)