You're Fried

Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny

I tried the new restaurant Cereality. The existence of this restaurant may someday be declared as one of the great missed warning signs of the decline of Western Civilization. It is located on the University of Pennsylvania campus, and it serves only cereal. Yes, it caters to college students who are too lazy to pour a bowl of cereal. I detected a major flaw with the restaurant. After the customers receive the cardboard boxes containing their ordered cereal, the customers then have a choice of three kinds of milk to pour over the cereal: regular, low fat, and no fat. Here is the problem: if you are depending upon customers who are too lazy to pour their own cereal, do you expect them to then pour their own milk?

I later went to a fancier restaurant for lunch. The server told me “the soup of the day today is…oh, no, I forgot.” I was very tempted to use one of my fake foreign accents and reply “I would like to try this oh no I forgot soup…”

This reminds me there used to be a restaurant in Philadelphia that ran coupon ads in newspapers that read: with this coupon, we will ADD 10% to your bill. I once asked a server there if anyone ever redeemed such a coupon, and she replied that they did get about two coupons redeemed a week. Often it would be someone who didn’t read the coupon carefully and thought they were getting a discount. Yet, occasionally, there were people who insisted on having 10% added to their bills. I guess they wanted to be able to tell their friends they had the experience of actually using such a coupon. And I bet their friends were really impressed with that story!

Should it bother me that an establishment named 30th Street Tickets is located in Philadelphia between 21st and 22nd streets?

Should it also bother me that the newspapers quoted a spokesman for the television show “Law and Order” as stating “while Jerry (Orbach, a star on the show who recently passed away) is irreplaceable…a new cast member will join the company.” I guess being irreplaceable in Hollywood doesn’t even last until the end of a paragraph.

Has anyone noticed that, ever since the warning that was issued this past November not to deep fry a turkey as it may cause a fire that there seems to be a sharp increase in the news of fires caused by people attempting to deep fry a turkey? Now, I don’t recommend eating deep fried anything, so maybe this would never have occurred to me, yet, did it really occur to that many people before the warning to look at a turkey and say to themselves: “I bet that would be great deep fried.” It seems when you deep fry a turkey, it explodes. Now, I know many guys would love this, not because we’d ever want to eat a deep fried turkey, but just that we’d love to see one explode.

I wonder if you can deep fry cereal and serve it to lazy college students…? You know, Donald Trump went to the University of Pennsylvania. The slogan for such a restaurant could be "You're fried..."