If Looks Could Kill, and It Seems Mine Do

Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny

I know I am not a handsome guy, yet every ugly duckling is told by his or her mother that he or she is beautiful, or at least looks halfway decent, right? Not my mother. When I saw her recently for the holidays, she took one look at me and asked if she should call 911. At first, I thought she was kidding, but she was serious. She thought I look so bad that I was in need of medical attention. No, mother, I just look this bad. At least I tend to get train seats to myself, as few dare to sit with me.

I remember years ago when a candidate for Governor met me for the second time. I was surprised he remembered me from our first meeting. He actually said "who could forget you, with a face only a mother could love?" And, now, even that part is questionable. Anyway, that candidate for Governor never got off the ground. I saw to that.

Anyone notice that new trend of plastering building size advertisements onto New York buildings? I was observing a building advertising a woman wearing a bra (ironically, it was probably an advertisement for an automobile) when I made this observation: there are people whose office windows are the nipple portions of the photograph. Now, how do these people politely point out to their children, clergy, and parents, from street level, which offices are theirs? I presume they can see through their window without any difficulty, yet, if a portion of the picture of the advertisement does filter through, is it hard to entertain clients with a gigantic windowsize nipple leering into your room? Does this create difficulties? Or do people pay extra for such offices? And, am I the only person who worries about such things?


I went to a restaurant that had a wilted spinach salad. That had me wondering: could I pay extra for a fresh spinach salad instead? That reminded me of the place that advertised hard rolls. Were fresh rolls more expensive?

I went to see "Movin' Out". Just when I thought I had seen it all, the person sitting two seats down called his wife on his cell phone and let her listen to the music for the entire play. I presume he has a good phone plan. Frankly, I would think being that much of a cheapskate might be grounds for divorce. I just hope I don't get called upon now to testify in this divorce case.