Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Talking Cat Divulges Secret Government Plan

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Talking Cat Divulges Secret Government Plan

Someone tried to set me up with someone. I forewarn men that there are often subtle clues about a woman that we can detect early on that should forewarn us that we should run from a woman as fast as she can. I call these "early run for your life warnings". This woman has one cat. One cat, not bad. As I said earlier, one cat is alright, two cats are borderline, and three or more cats, it is an obsession.

She claimed her cat can talk. Now, that statement is not an "early run warning". Lots of women like how their cat meows. Yet, when the woman then insists that her cat speaks words in the English language, that is a prime example of an "early run for your life warning".

Amazingly, I watched as, unfortunately, the cat was shy and would not speak. What a shame. I was so looking forward to discussing worlds events with the cat, although I am not certain how versed the cat is in American foreign policy. I fear cats don't read much and rely heavily on the news from only watching Fox News. Ironically, the cat didn't even "meow" once.

The woman claimed she works on a secret government project. I asked if she could divulge the secret government project. "Early run for your life warning" number two: if a professed secret agent discloses her plan, she is probably not a real secret agent. She stated she worked on a secret program to close a military base. I asked what became of her report. She answered that the base was then closed. Remind me someday to point out that if a secret report has been administered, it no longer is a secret report.

Later when she mentioned how her phone was tapped, I recall thinking to myself "of course you think your phone is tapped."

Now, and this is the point that many men fail to recall, when enough "early run for your life warnings" have been registered, the most advisable course of action is: run.

After I left, I could only imagine what happened. Somehow I can imagine her standing there asking, "do you think he'll call?", and her cat looking up at her and saying "if he doesn't, it's his loss."


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