My New Religion: Jewish Scientist

I have made a religious conversation. I am now a Jewish Scientist. That is a fallen Christian Scientist. I used to be a fallen Christian Scientist, in that I would see a doctor. Now, I am definitely a fallen Christian Scientist. Instead of believing in the power of prayer, I now firmly believe in the power of complaining incessantly. Although, I regressed a bit, in that I no longer see a doctor. I now feel: oh vey, what good will that do?

I do think I have a higher tolerance than some others. I recall recently when I felt feverish and was vomiting, and I announced to the people at work “I think I might be coming down with something” and went back to work. Truthfully, I felt fine. Now, if I were really sick, as I don’t believe in spreading germs, I would stay home. But I felt fine. So, to feel even better, I then realized all one needs to do is complain about it, and like a miracle, you feel great.

Now, how to market this new Jewish Scientist religion?

That’s the problem with many religions today. They’re about marketing. That why Congregationalists are doing poorly. They don’t believe in icons, only plain white churches with very little on display. Today, too many religions increase donations through pageantry and glitter. But there’s money in it.

For marketing purposes, I could bring someone back from the dead. But enough about trying to resurrect Donnie Most’s acting career.

I like how a New Year’s Eve event announced it will be held “rain or shine”. So, if it rains, we won’t postpone 2006 after all?

The Amazing Kreskin’s mind reading show is getting so good, he now stays at home and vibes his entire act to his audience through mental telepathy.