Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Dating in the 21st Century

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Dating in the 21st Century

After 14 years of marriage, I know I have been out of the loop in the dating game. Yet, have things changed that much?

I was set up on a blind date. Why do I have friends who set other friends up with wonderful women, and then look at me and think, a woman collecting social security who weighs 400 pounds would be perfect for Leon? Maybe it is not dating that's the problem, maybe it is in my choice of friends.

The blind dates I have been on been on should have been obvious, to me, from the start that they were doomed. Word of advice, when you tell someone your name and the first response is "that's not Jewish, is it?", warning signals should go off. This woman was a Nazi, as in someone whose father slaughtered Jews during World War II, and she remains a staunch defender of the free expression of the desire to kill Jews at will. Not my type of woman. Yet, I am certain she's a lot of fun at parties.

Yesterday, I received another first line clue this date was not going well. After introductions, her first comments were those three magic words that, when every man hears, he knows he will have a longtime commitment to this woman:

"Hi, I'm pregnant."

Now while she was happy, I learned that happiness is something has has to be shared properly. My happy, jovial response, since I had just met her, was "at least we know the child is not mine."

It was then I learned that pregnant women do not like to hear jovial comments regaridng their pregnancies.

From there, the date went steadily downhill. Supposedly after telling her boyfriend the news, he proposed to her. So, my date was pregnant...and engaged. I began to suspect there would be no second date. I have a sixth sense about these things.

This reminded of a previous first date where the woman ordered her food "to go". At the time, I didn't suspect there was anything strange about that, as I figured she was planning ahead and what food she didn't eat during her date she could carry home. Yet, after I paid, she took her "to go" food and left.

These experiences have led me to realize my role in this world: I am essentially a cash machine that pays for the meals of other guy's girlfriends.

I wonder what happens if I run into a date's boyfriend. Would he be jealous that his girlfriend is having me pay for your food, or does he thank me for helping to keep their expenses down by paying for food? I think such a meeting could go either way.


Post a Comment

<< Home

Listed on BlogShares