Robots Giving Birth and Other Signs the End is Near, Especially If You're a Sheep Owned by Angelina Jolie

Another sign the end is near. Christian Scientists are selling off their properties, and investing the money in hospitals.

Robotic birth simulators are being used in medical schools to train future doctors on how to deliver babies. Which means: these simulators should be mass produced in time as this year’s "must have" Christmas present.

A college professor visited over 300 Starbucks to research what customers do there. His preliminary analysis is a lot of them drink coffee.

Angelina Jolie has reportedly moved to Nambia on an estate that is guarded by lions. She feels she children will grow up safer knowing they could be killed anytime they leave the house.

A sheep with five horns has been discovered in China. It was immediately bought by Angelina Jolie to protect her estate. It was promptly eaten by a lion.

It has been reported that large numbers of Iranians have signed up for martyr missions. At least NBC now knows they’ll have enough people to film their fall session.