Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Signs You Elected the Wrong Person as Mayor

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Signs You Elected the Wrong Person as Mayor

Signs you elected the wrong person Mayor:

Ken Lay and Jack Abramoff are by his side at his inaugural.
At inaugural, instead of using a Bible, swears on a stack of Martha Stewart magazines.
Proposes that Council meetings from now on are “clothing optional”.
His urban renewal plan: weaken the levy.
Keeps insisting to reporters that his ex-wife is a CIA agent.
His education reform: schools from now on are “clothing optional.”
Fires entire police force and replaces them with a samurai.
Puts his imaginary friend on the payroll.
Proposes preparations for invasion of Poland.
Fires entire fire department and announces for the next fire: weaken the levy.
Calls for legalized gay marriage, and then calls for banning heterosexual marriage.
His Press Secretary is a sock placed over his hand.
His Chief of Staff is a sock placed somewhere else on his body.
Urges Pledge of Allegiance to include the phrase “one nation, under God, and or Satan”.
His plan for senior citizens: weaken the levy.
Announces his Press Secretary has been naughty and displays a severed hand in his office window.
You don’t want to know what he did to his naughty Chief of Staff.
His sewage treatment plan: everyone gets a sock to put over their faucets.
Announces that citizen who receives sock with a body part wins a prize.
Builds a public airport, and for fun, all runways are a few feet too short.
His parks expansion project involves throwing dirt at people’s windows.
His weekly schedule lists attending funerals of people before they die.
His list of American Presidents includes Jefferson Davis.
His list of great Americans includes Benito Mussolini.
He is often mentioned as the future of the Republican Party.

I am worried about my cousin. He said he was going to get a hair transplant. They transport hair from one part of the body and implant it where you don’t have hair. I noticed there is now a path of hair missing from his head.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

My sign we elected the wrong person Mayor: he spent ten dollars to get my vote.

7:08 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Our Mayor is so offensive, even David Duke was offended to meet him.

7:13 AM


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