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Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Hey, I Can't Think of a Funny Title Every Stupid Time, OK?

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Hey, I Can't Think of a Funny Title Every Stupid Time, OK?

Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny

I attended the Pennsylvania versus Brown basketball game. A group of students painted letters onto their chests and stood attempting to spell out something. As best as I could tell, they were spelling “PENN IS MIGHTIER.” Which makes for a good slogan for the Penn team. Of course, every now and then, it seemed one of the Ns was missing, which spells something entirely different.

Penn sports are an interesting thing. There is a tradition that football fans throw toast onto the field when the school song gets to the words “here’s a toast to dear old Penn”. When I was a freshman, I didn’t quite grasp the concept, and I had taken a frozen bread from the freezer and I threw the whole loaf from the second level. It was a messy sight: landed on a helmet. There were bits and pieces of helmet everywhere…

Penn won the game against Brown. The victory is, of course, pending a recount of these baskets by the U.S. Supreme Court.

The Mayor of Philadelphia claimed he has cleaned the train station of beggars. Hah! I have never been in Philadelphia’s station without being hit with a beggar. This time, I got hit by five beggars. What I found interesting was one tried a whole new tactic. He claimed he needed dollar bills to give to strippers. I wonder if that pitch actually works.

I should tell that beggar to be careful of women. Be careful of advertising found in personals section. A woman who says in a personal ad that her measurements are 36-24-36 is still being truthful, even if the measurements are not actually in that order.

Consumers beware. Have you noticed how many 99 cent items can be sold for $19.99 as long as it is advertised on television? Of course, if you don’t take to think about it, they’ll double your order, so you are only out $18 instead of $19 (not counting shipping and handling, where you pay five bucks for fifty cents in postage, but, of course, the other stuff is that critical “handling” of your money all the way to the bank), assuming, of course, you actually ever use the thing and get your dollars use out of it.

My intern is a law student who wants to be a lobbyist. I had to explain to her the difference between a lawyer and a lobbyist is that a lawyer knows at least some of his clients will be innocent.

1 Comments:

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