Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Not Hef's Bunnies

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Not Hef's Bunnies

In reading the postings of my classmates from my elementary school classmates (and should it bother me that my elementary school classmates keep in touch better than my high school classmates do: maybe there is some truth to that old "Southern hospitality"), a classmate mentioned how I was funny even back in first grade. Frankly, I think most first graders are fairly funny, but that's another matter. He claimed he even remembered the first joke I told. Thus, I will share with you the first remembered joke I am remembered to have ever told:

Question: "What is one plus one?"
Answer: "Two bunny ears."

Huh? The joke doesn't even make any sense. Granted, I was in first grade, but how can that possibly be considered funny? How can anyone even remember such a lame joke except for the lameness of the joke?

Maybe it's a first grade thing. I tried the joke on a first grader. "What's one plus one? Two bunny ears." The first grader thought it was hilarious and was rolling around on the floor laughing. (I warned you most first graders are funny.) How can such a nonsense joke possibly be that hilarious?

Maybe I was missing something. I tried the joke on adults. They stared at me blankly, waiting for the rest of the joke. No, adults don't understand the joke.

My market research indicated that the joke is a hit with first graders yet fails with anyone with a second grade education (which somedays is hard to find around the Capitol). Finally, I had to ask a first grader what is so funny about the joke. It was then that I learned why the first grade mind is so different from the rest of us.

There are essentially only two things one learns in first grade. They are: 1 plus 1 equals 2. The other is that bunnies have two ears (except for the bunny belonging to the very strange student in the back row who should never be allowed near animals ever again). That in fact is the usual final exam to graduate from first grade: 1+1= (choose one) 1,2, or 3 and the bunny has (choose one) 2,3 or 39 ears (students choosing 39 are promptly drug tested).

I recall my very first joke differently. It was "Where is the best place to get shot?" The strange student in the back row would usually guess "in the fleshy part of the arm: take my word from it from personal experience." I would say, wrong, the best place to get shot is Cape Canaveral.

Get it? Shot? Into space?

Obviously, my first grade routine wasn't ready for prime time. Yet it would have been a smash hit during the children's programming.


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