Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Our New Neighbor, the Sex Offender

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

Our New Neighbor, the Sex Offender

Is it immoral to fake a degree from a fake degree mill?

I often find I don’t know how to respond in situations. For instance, we have a new neighbor. Our new neighbor came by, said hello, and casually mentioned that the introduction is legally required to let us all know our new neighbor is a registered sex offender.

“You would like to come in for some coffee?” Seriously, what is the proper etiquette response at that point in the conversation? I guess you then introduce the family. “That girl sitting in her underwear is our 16 years old daughter. That naked woman passed out on the couch is my wife. Oh, and I see you were also arrested for abusing animals. Have you met our dog Fluffy?”

Then there are those uncomfortable moments as you read the new neighbor’s offender report. “Wow, you did a lot of perverted things. Do you have a sister….Oops, I mean, do you come from a large family?”

I tell you, our new neighbor is one scary lady.

You see, I don’t like this sex offender registration law. I was noting the number of sex offenders in my neighborhood, and I realized something: they now make up enough in numbers to get their own town council representative. This can’t be good. Instead of the local park closing at 10 PM, it now opens at 10 pm. Afterschool clubs now meet in their homes. The police now arrest people using fuzzy handcuffs. All firefighter hoses were extended two inches. Our Mayor was arrested for sex with a prostitute, and they impeached him because he wasn’t kinky enough.


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