When You Are Phoning in the Sex...

My girlfriend wants us to have phone sex. I am willing to adjust to her desires, but, how is she going to know the phone sex worked: in the morning, she takes DNA samples off the phone? How does this work? “Hello, phone, you’re looking nice tonight. Want me to ring your tones?” Is this even legal? Do I need consent from the phone beforehand? I can’t even figure out how this works. I can see how she could do it, but that just seems wrong. One should never put anything into your body that is capable of two way instantaneous aural communications. Who would want to be on the other end of that conversation? “Hello, I can’t make up what you’re saying. Can you hear me now?” That’s my rule, and I’m sticking to it.

Also, Warren Beatty: you did not have sex with 12,775 women. You had sex with 12,774 women and my Uncle Bob. To be fair, Bob hid it well.