Killing Iraqis and Other Republican Sex Fantasies

Speaking of Republican sex fantasies, I have always wondered about my close and personal friend Rick Santorum (well, not THAT close). I remember when he was criticizing gay marriages, he explained he was not condemning gay thoughts, stating that everyone has thoughts, and then he started to say “even I’ve had thoughts…” before he cut himself off. Yes, Republicans criticize Jimmy Carter for lusting in his heart, but Republicans are allowed to have gay daydreams.

Now Rick worries me. Actual transcript from a recent conversation between Rick and Don Imus of MSNBC:

Rick: “Did your wife tell you she called me the other day?”
Imus: “No, she didn’t.”
Rick: “She called and the first thing she said to me was “Do you know Susanne Wright? And I said “sure”. And she said “Well, I’d like to do a threesome.” That’s what she said.”
Imus: “I think she meant a conference call.”

It is interesting that the political leadership of the party of the Christian Coalition likes to talk about gay sex and threesomes while the other party seems to focus on oral sex with interns and drunken frolics in fountains with secretaries. At least we have our political and sexual lines defined.

I have nothing against religious advertising on television, yet I think they should be required to also announce their possible side effects. You know, like “devoting yourself to this religion could result in intolerance of other religions.” Also, there should be warnings that it could lead to thoughts of threesomes and gay sex.

My uncle is so worried that, when he heard about the bird flu, he got a flu shot for his parrot.

I overheard a student explain that Rosa Parks won the right for Caucasians to sit in the back of the bus.

A professor told me that a student answered on a test that the Viet Nam War began when warships were shot down. I warned him not to mention this too loudly or else the Navy will then want to create ships that can fly.

Scientists announced that mice squeaks are actually love songs. I don’t know about others, but frankly, the songs don’t do a thing for me. Although, maybe Republican sex fantasies extend to that hot looking Minnie Mouse.

A detainee who was set to testify about the abuse detainees have experienced has escaped. That’s our military’s story, and they’re stinking to it. And, besides, it was not abuse. It was just Republican sexual play acting.

Jessica Simpson states she’s felt she’s needed counseling lately. Her sister Ashlee stated she mimics her sister’s feelings.