Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: For Your Utility

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

For Your Utility

I once made the mistake of thinking getting a telephone had to be one of the easiest things one could do. Everyone has a telephone. How hard could it be? So, I called Verizon and learned that they could not install a phone. They stated that one of their competitors already had a phone installed at my listed address. Thus, they were prevented from installing a phone until I received permission from the person who already had a phone in my house, even though I am the owner of the house. Unfortunately, confidentiality laws prevented their disclosing who had a phone in my house. Thus, I asked, how can I contact whoever has a phone listed at my house and get this all straightened out if you won't tell me who it is? They stated my only recourse was to file a complaint with the Public Utility Commission, which I did.
After a week of endless phone calls with Verizon, they finally agreed to send a Verizon agent to my house. (Meanwhile, I have gone one week without a phone in my house. So much for thinking getting a phone is a simple matter.) The Verizon guy tells me: I don't have one active phone line: I have ten. Who knew where the wires were running to. But, he couldn't do anything about them because they're not Verizon lines. Nor was he allowed to even tell me which phone company had those lines. Even though I own the house, he was legally prohibited from installing my own phone until the existing lines were severed. So, we look away, and then we "accidentally on purpose" cut the wires. No more outside phone lines. Verizon finally installed my phone.
I never found out who had those phone lines. I was expecting irate neighbors to come banging on my door complaining that their phones had gone dead. No one came by. I was fearing some seedy person would come by complaining I had ruined some "charitable" business venture they had going. I heard nothing.
I only mention this because yesterday, I received a phone call from the Public Utility Commission stating they had reached my file and they were asking if I still had my problem. Now, the only reason I am mentioning this is I had totally forgotten about the complaint I filed with them. They were returning my call: over a year after I had filed the complaint. And they were asking if I had already solved the problem on my own. Fortunately, I am glad I had. I would have hated to have been waiting all this time for them to act.


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