Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Dating Rules, and Not the Good Kind of Rules

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Dating Rules, and Not the Good Kind of Rules

Blogger: User Profile: Leon Tchaikovsky

I have achieved another low in my dating life. Past lows include:

• taking a woman to an expensive fancy French restaurant, the kind where supposedly the most hardened women will melt, and being told by my date during dinner that she just wants to be friends. I actually had someone after that suggest I join the priesthood. Apparently that is how some men get their calling: if they take a woman to this particular restaurant and nothing happens, this is taken by many that it is a calling into the priesthood. When I stated I wasn’t Catholic, it was recommended that I become Catholic in order to accept my fate as a priest.

• having a friend I care about facing deportation and possible death, and asking her out, and having her tell me she’d rather be deported than ever date me. When someone weighs options such as: deportation and death, versus possible dating and marriage to someone the woman could even scam so he doesn’t receive anything in return except that he cares for you, but you’d have the stigma of having dated him, and then choosing death over that option: that is a dating low.

Now for my latest low: A woman, who is a good friend, state she would rather meet men over the Internet than date me. She, of course, is amazed that the men she meets never look like themselves in their Internet photographs. She is the first recorded person in history to use her own photograph on the Internet. Despite the fact she has met really creepy men, including one she may need to obtain a restraining order against, she stills finds that better than dating me.

This woman explains that she has a rule against dating people she works with, and thus she can’t date me. Now, I have learned that when a woman says she has a rule against dating people, and I fit that category of people she won’t date, what she really is saying is she doesn’t want to date me and is trying to let me down gently. If someone really wanted to date someone, they wouldn’t create these rules. Yet, for women who create these rules, please try and not abuse the rules in front of me. If you tell me you don’t want to date men over age 40, don’t then start dating a series of 50 and 60 year old men. Now, once a woman makes such a rule, there is no arguing with her to change the rule. I tried using the logic of telling her that her rule of not dating anyone she works with shouldn’t dissuade her from dating me, as we don’t work together, but that logic just doesn’t work once a woman has made up her mind.

One of my all time favorite let downs was a woman who said she couldn’t date me because she only dates Jewish men. At first, I sort of understood this, if this was something that was that important to her. Yet, I have come to question that rule. I am Congregationalist. The Pennsylvania census figures states there are fewer than ten Congregationalists living in Pennsylvania. Let us thus figure out there are, at most, nine Congregationalists in Pennsylvania. Let us then take the high estimate and figure that, at most, there may be five Congregationalist men in Pennsylvania. Of those five Congregationalist men, let us figure that, most likely, there are only two men of marrying age in Pennsylvania. If you tell me you can’t date me because I am a Congregationalist, don’t then go out and find the only other available Congregationalist man in Pennsylvania and marry him.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Death versus dating you? The odds aren't even close. Now, maybe if it were eternal damnation versus dating you, you'd be in the running. Maybe.

7:24 AM


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