Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Book Review: "Heaven Talks Back"

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Book Review: "Heaven Talks Back"

Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny

Some who remember when Jon Macks worked for the Pennsylvania legislature. Jon worked for Rep. Robert O’Donnell, and it is notable that Jon included Mr. O’Donnell amongst the group of people to whom this book is dedicated along with "to the inventor of Viagra" and to "Jodie Foster and our love child."

The book lets us know the change in direction Jon’s life has taken since leaving us. Once a promising rising young politician, Jon left government for an entirely different career in comedy. There was a time during redistricting when a new legislative district was reportedly created for Jon Macks to represent. Only Jon never ran for the seat. Instead, he left the arena of backroom deals and vicious competitiveness of Harrisburg for, well, the backroom deals and vicious competitiveness of Hollywood.

John’s book tells of his conversations with God (who is not to be confused for Joseph Loeper). Jon believes that God talks back in clear sentences, suitable for publishing. This book, it claims, are God’s words, as told to Jon Macks.

Before we decry either the irreverence of this book, and definitely before we divest all our assets in order to devoutly follow Jon’s every word, we do have to wonder if Jon really hears God correctly. Especially when he quotes God as stating that " My age and with My property, I’m a Republican."

The book does provide many interesting insights into the Supreme Being. God appears to feel He is being taken advantage of, as when He reportedly asks us "Just once I’d like to have someone make a sacrifice or a burnt offering without immediately following up with a demand. Surprise me this weekend."

God even provides commentary on some current issues. On the subject of cloning, Jon reports that God states "You want to play God? Be my guest, it’s all yours. Guaranteed, two weeks on the job, you quit from all the aggravation."

We also learn that God has problems similar to what we face when drafting legislation. As God explains to Jon, "I have not given you commandments, they are more in the form of general guidelines. Legal says they’re commandments because they contain the mandatory word "shall", but as a general rule, I try not to be a jerk about it." We may thus conclude that, as in legislation, there is judicial review, only God is sort of a bigtime Supreme Judicial authority.

God, we learn from Jon, provides many useful insights for our lives, including winning lottery numbers on page 125, which is a great promotion for our lottery system. Another useful bit of advice from God, according to Jon, is "never piss off a postal worker. Even I have no idea what sets them off." Unfortunately, it is distressing to learn from the book that God had a plan for each of us, yet as He explains, "the last time I merged files, I lost it".

We learn other insights, such as God does not bother with prayers during athletic competitions, admitting that He at most catches one game a year. On the other hand, God can be confusing in the book’s presentation, as when He announces "there is no such thing as sin. Or maybe there is. That’s for Me to know and you to find out." It also has to be disappointing when God is quoted as telling us that "My purpose in creating you was simply for amusement. So cut the crap about being in my image. Consider yourselves action figures."

The book contains a bonus interview with God as well as a forward from Jay Leno, for whom Jon authors jokes. Jay Leno complains about being unable to book God for the "Tonight Show", a move that guarantees a rating win that evening over Letterman and maybe even Ted Koppel. The interview contains several shocking revelations, such as God’s regret he didn’t include "Thou shalt not smoke" as a commandment.

Some may be disappointed with this book’s size as each thought from God takes only a few lines per page. While less wordy than, say the Bible, this book does contain many more yucks than many lengthier humor books. People who remember Jon will appreciate this book, as will anyone who likes to laugh. To think that had circumstances been different, instead of talking to God, Jon might have been spending time talking to Pennsylvania politicians.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Book reviews? What do you think we are: literate?

7:22 AM

Blogger Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny said...

As a matter of fact, yes, I do think you're literate. How did you write this? There is humor is some of these reviews: read and look for it. Of course, many people laugh when I'm serious, so there might be yucks wherever you look on this site.

12:38 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is God a USC fan? He had to have caught that game.

1:02 PM


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