Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Book Review: "Politicians Say the Dumbest Things"

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Book Review: "Politicians Say the Dumbest Things"

Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny

Carol Roessler is a Republican state legislator from Wisconsin. In the continuing tradition of Republican legislators who are used to hearing dumb statements (from hanging around too many Republicans), Rep. Roessler has joined the ranks of Republican legislators who have compiled and published amusing political quotes.

This book has great quotes. Like “I was a third term freshman when you were a first term freshman.” Who has more seniority, a first term sophomore or a third term freshman?

“As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear waste suppository in my district.” Here is one promise that can be delivered.

“This is a great bill. Take if from one who has survived a terminal heart attack.” If the dead can vote, they should be allowed representation.

“You can lead a dead horse to water but you can’t make it drink.” But you can register it to vote for the politician with the terminal heart attack.

“I have support for my bill from both sides of the circle.” Another argument for increased funding for Geometry studies.

“I don’t see why we can’t have more than one monopoly.” Better yet, just give all of Education better funding.

“If I give a little and you give a lot, we’ll have a compromise.” This explains the typical Republican negotiation mindset.

“It’s time to take the bull by the tail and look her in the eye.” First: a bull is not a she. Second, that’s not an eye.

“I know what I believe is different from what I know are the facts.” This is a major plank in the Republican Party platform.

“There is no shortage of lawyers in Washington, D.C. In fact, there may be more lawyers than people.” This was said by Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, who also said there were more Bush votes than Gore votes in Florida.

“We need to pass this bill before the day after tomorrow…which is today.” Which is why the Speaker allows Republican amendments requiring 24 hours notice to run a day early.

“Mr. President, before I give you the benefit of my remarks, I’d like to know what we’re talking about.” The Senate: the last of the great improvisational theaters.

“Don’t burn your bridges behind you. Plan ahead-better to burn them in front of you.” This is the battle plan of Democrats during primary season.

“We’re going to consider a bill on low flow toilets. You’ll certainly want to sit in on that one.” I wonder where my legislator stands on this one.

“I’m not so smart and neither are most of the people I represent, but even we know that this is a bad bill.” His constituents were brighter than this legislator thought. He lost reelection.

“I’m an old Navy man; the bow is in the rear end, isn’t it?” Richard Nixon said this. He also didn’t comprehend recording equipment.

“If it weren’t for the Rural Electric Association, we farmers would still be watching television by candlelight.” Blame the Rural Electric Association for killing romance.

“Whenever I can, I watch the Detroit Tigers on the radio.” Gerald Ford said this. I bet he watches by candlelight.

This book is full of great quotes. It is neither a long book nor one that goes into detailed explanations. Still it is a fun book to have for a few laughs.


Post a Comment

<< Home

Listed on BlogShares